It is o.k. to say "NO" oh and pay attention!

It is o.k. to say “No” and pay attention.

I have been married for 27 years.  My children are grown.  I remember a few times when I thought I might rip my hair out dealing with two boys 21 months apart and only 1 year apart in school age. 

I was a stay at home mom for 6 years and we were on a very tight budget.  I became a clearance and deal shopper.  I also learned the art of saying no.  I decided I would not start in the habit of getting the boys toys, candy, popcorn, treats or any other item they might fancy in their youth. 

While single I had seen children throw fits when their parent said no in the checkout line and when they didn’t stop crying they got the child what they wanted as the parents gave in to keep them quiet.  I knew I didn’t want to be that parent and I could not afford it either. 

There were many instances that I was tested.  There are two stories that stand out and one of them was very difficult.  One of them has nothing to do with my kids wanting something but everything to do with me shopping, being distracted and a child not listening.  This story still gives me guilt.

1.      I told my kids even when they were very young, “We are going to the store but do not ask me for anything because the answer will be no.”  Experts say if you set the expectation in advance things will go smoother.  (Most of the time) They were usually very good about that in fact my older son would say thing at the checkout counter like, “We can’t get any gum can we.”  I would smile and say, “That’s right.”  Sometimes it killed me and I wanted to give in but I didn’t.  One time he wanted something very bad and I have no idea what it was that he desired.  I do remember him screaming and throwing a fit.  He wouldn’t stop.  I, of course, threatened that we would leave the store and not get anything we had in the cart if he did not stop.  Guess what, he didn’t stop.  I pulled the kids out of the cart, left the full cart at the checkout and hauled them to the car and left.  I think that might have cured the whining forever.  It was irritating because I wasn’t shopping for the heck of it; I need the stuff in the cart.  Follow through is key no matter how difficult and time consuming the situation may be.

2.      One time Son #2 had at ear ache.  We went from the doctor’s office to Target to get his prescription.  While waiting for the prescription I was looking at towels and dreaming of a color coordinated bathroom that I couldn’t afford.  I said to the 3 and ½ year old, “Don’t push the cart and jump it for a ride you might tip.”  He didn’t listen.  He gave the cart a push and jumped on.  The cart flew while the 1 ½ year old was in it.  #2 son was on the floor with the cart over him like a cage, so of course I started scolding #1 son for not listening.  This is until I saw the blood and the cracked open face on #1 son.  We were back at the doctor’s office in less than 30 minutes from our previous visit getting stitches.  That was scary!  I learned that paying attention was serious mommy business.

Peace and Love,

Your FACS teacher, Jane