The school year is in full swing. Homecoming, at my former school of employment is over. I have subbed as a teacher about 2 days a week. Just enough to throw me off and not get much of anything done around the house.
Most everyone asks me how I am doing. Do I feel bad? Do I miss it? Do I regret it? On and on the questions go. I pause because I do not fell bad, I do not miss it and I do not regret it? Then I begin to wonder, if I don't feel bad, I don't miss it and I don't have regret was a bad teacher for wanting to leave early?
I hope not. Because while I was in education I did care about the children that I worked with and I made friendships that I will always remember and embrace. I had often said, "I just want to teach. I do not want the politics of education." Those feelings of never getting caught up, from former paper work, turned into computer work that was suppose to make a life easier started giving me anxiety. I am a girl that used a telex for communication during high school. We had to go to the library to type our papers with erasers and white out during college. Everything I learned on the computer was pretty much self taught and I really do love technology but not all of the programs made sense or my life easier. I had 5 different programs that "made everything easier". An example of a waste of time would be my collaboration group. We spent so much time figuring out how to record what we did last year that we only got things recorded. (We were not the only ones.)
My point from all of this whining is that teachers need a break. I know it is important to measure kids progress but if teachers have to spend so much time to figuring out how to measure they will not have time to do what they do well and that is relate with kids and teach. I am not against change and progress. In fact I think that I am rather forward thinking with some things. The cycle of education is always spinning but never really changing, and it really is scary sometimes.
Those reasons stated above and others made me take a step back and take a look at the full picture. I will always have a passion for the Family and Consumer Sciences content that I taught during my teaching career. I will always remember the relationships that I built with my students and co-workers fondly. But in my heart, knowing it was time for me to take a step back was the best thing that I could do for my personal well being. And I think, it doesn't make me a bad teacher, it just makes me smart and lucky.
I have been subbing and it has been pretty relaxing. I just can't let myself get caught up in past and new politics. I have to let it go and enjoy that I only have the here and now to worry about.
Man that feels Good!
With love your former FACS teacher.
Jane
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